Independently dependent

There comes a certain time in everyone's life were they must grow up and live away from home. As scary as this is, it opens many opportunities to grow independent and learn to take care or yourself. However, things don't always go according to plan and your independence is short lived. Before you know it you are moving back home. 

This can be an awkward stage- after living on your own, you are a custom to a certain amount of independence, you have your own schedule,you are use to making your own decisions and planning your schedule to whatever is most convenient to you.  

After living on my own for a year, I developed a strong sense of independence. However, things did not work out as planned and I had to move back home for the time being. With this transition I became independently dependent. 

Now why would I say this? I am still an adult, I still make my own decisions, and that is true, but my independence has nearly vanished. Anyone who has had to move back home can agree that your independence starts to dwindle. 

I am still an adult and I am still expected to act like an adult, but now there are rules and restrictions. I cannot eat when ever I want or whatever I want because it is not technically my food, I am allowed to go out, unless I am needed at home so one of the younger kids can have someone here when they get home, I can do what I choose as long is follows what my parents deem to be important, etc. 

It is even the little things. When I lived on my own, if I did not want to go out and socialize, I didn't have to. Now it is not an option, I will make friends and I will enjoy it because that is the rule, however I do get to choose my own friends (-ish). ;)

Don't get me wrong, I am eternally grateful my parents allowed me to come home during this time, I simply cannot express my gratitude, but being parented by my younger brothers and sisters is not my ideal idea of independence. 

So Right now I am independently dependent. And it is okay. At times it is nice not having to pay rents or buy groceries, but it is a challenge. My respect goes out to all those who have survived these awkward phase as well as my sympathy. But my gratitude goes out to my parents who let their poor 19 year old daughter come home and be independently dependent.